"bedazzling derriere"

It's no secret that I am a voluptuous woman. It is also no secret that I am TALL... 5'11" to be exact but what all you average to petite sized people out there don't know is that you all have it easy when it comes to buying clothing... especially jeans. And if one more short person says "yeah but everything I try on is too long" I'm going to have to murder a puppy. You can hem just about anything but you cannot add length to clothing so shut the hell up. Anyways..  after trying, kohls, gap, loft, target, old navy, wal mart (yep even wal mart), american eagle, aeropostal, hollister,  banana republic, vanity, maurices, downeast, pac sun, wet seal and zumiez I realized that there must be some rule out there that people are allowed to be short and fat, short and skinny, tall and skinny but NOT tall and fat.Oh and if one more sales person tells me to order my jeans online.... I'm going to have to murder another puppy. Odering jeans online and having them fit is as rare as winning the lottery when you are tall and curvy.Anyways... I could not find a pair of jeans at any of these stores that were long enough and went over my buttery thighs and ghetto booty it was long enough or big enough but not both. So against better judgement, I went to the buckle.

Now let me just inform you that while I have appreciated for years that the buckle sells jeans according to waist and length, I have always hated shopping there. Their sales people are SO pushy and they lie! I have heard them tell many girls something along the lines of " oh my god those look so good on you! Totally slimming and damn girl your booty looks fine in those jeans" when in fact the girl looks hideous. Also, you go in to buy a pair of jeans and then next thing you know, you have boots and heels being slid under the door and a sweater, three t shirts, a belt and some earrings being thrown at you over the top of the door. Its like dodging grenades in a 4x4 fitting room. My other thing about the buckle is lets say you tell them that your waist is 30" and your inseam is 34" well most likely they don't have anything in that size but no, this does not stop them. They hand you a pair of jeans with a 27" waist and a 30" inseam and say "I know they're not your size but thy run long and they totally stretch like 7 sizes". At this point in the shopping experience I'm not sure whether I should punch the sales person for being such and idiot or hug them for thinking I could possibly fit into a pair of jeans with a 27" waist. Oh and lets not forget, the buckle also expects you to pay $178 for a pair of paper thin jeans.

Now let me move on to the real reason behind this post. My very last pet peeve about the buckle is that their jeans look like they let some 14 year old teenager from Minnesota use her bedazzle devise on them. I'm sorry for all of you girls out there with pancake butts but, my behind is already large and dazzling, I do not need glitter, rhinestones and sequins glued onto my jeans to draw attention to this bodacious being, it already demands enough attention on its  own.  To be 100% honest I really don't think most people look good with ed hardy scrawled in glitter across their butt... but to each their own I suppose.

Whoever this is, she does have a decent backside but really? How much is ed hardy paying you to advertise on your ass? oh wait, you are paying him at least $200. Once on campus at USU I saw a girl wearing these jeans but instead of ed hardy in gold paint it said ed hardy in rhinestones. Really? I bet every time she slid out of her plastic chair in class it sounded like she farted.

Just a few examples of what is out there. I guess my opinion is that if a girl has to draw that much attention to her ass there must be something wrong with her face.

Now I'm not going to lie, I have had jeans with a little pizazz on the back pocket but NOTHING to the extent of  what is being worn these days.

This story does have a happy "ending"  (haha) I did find some normal, non bedazzled jeans that are long enough and fit over my buttery thighs and ghetto booty for a somewhat decent price at the Lucky Brand store (about $60-$70 and they're made with heavy denim). My favorite thing was that the girl who helped me was so blunt. I came out in a pair of jeans and she said "those do not look good, take them off and let me see what else I can find". The world would be a much better place with more people like her in it.